Leaving the counseling office, I had a lot on my mind. People kept telling me to stick it out and that I would feel so proud that I made it - that I would look back on my time at Catholic and be proud that I stuck through and conquered the depression.
Do you know what I'm really proud of? That fact that I left. The fact that I actually listened to myself for once instead of pleasing those around me. Maybe it took a life or death situation to give me the strength, but I was proud that I stood up for myself.
I still hadn't gotten ahold of Eric which really concerned me. It turns out that Eric had his phone charging across the room from him on vibrate so he was unable to hear or feel the many calls he received that morning.
I called everyone I could think of that might have had contact with him - his roommate, and his mom. I knew Maggie would be awake teaching and I will always be happy that I called her that morning. My family has a tendency to be very emotional. When I called my cousins and other relatives, it almost made things worse because I did not want to cause them hurt and I definitely did not want to draw any more attention to the situation.
But when I called Maggie, she asked her usual 'what's up?' and then proceeded to make me laugh and calm me down. She joked about how having W's on my transcripts was way less detrimental than her D's and F's. She told me I needed to come home and get healthy. Maggie has a way with words, and they worked wonders on me that morning.
More calm, I came and found my roommate awake and told her about everything that had happened that morning. She had been completely out of the loop with the events of the day and so I had to fill her in. Brandee was very shaken up by it all, and I can see why. Had things gone differently she could have woken up to a much grimmer scene. I hadn't realized how hard it must have been to watch me go through it. Everyone else only heard me from across the country but Brandee saw me get worse every day. I will always thank God that he put us in Reardon 204 together.
I lost track of how many people I had to speak with that day. First, my RA suspiciously came in and asked to talk to me. I hadn't talked to her ever and she just wanted to 'catch up'. Yeah right you idiot, I'm not dumb. After dealing with her, I had to speak to the head of the RA's for a good while. All of them trying to keep me at Catholic. Honestly, that just made me want to leave more. I wanted to be done sharing the story....done with supporting my decision, and sure as hell done with DC.
The sun started to shine a little brighter that day. I could finally see a way out. Some people thought I faked it just to go home...I assure you I would never stoop that low. Even in my darkest and most desperate of times, that's not something I would use.
I wanted to leave right away. I wanted to get on the next plane home and sleep in my bed that night with bandit. But I had to settle some business, sign some papers, clean out my dorm, but at that point...I wanted to go home and have my mom or dad bring it all back. I was done with this dark time in my life. And now that I saw a way out, it wasn't coming fast enough.
I was leaving college.
Do you know what I'm really proud of? That fact that I left. The fact that I actually listened to myself for once instead of pleasing those around me. Maybe it took a life or death situation to give me the strength, but I was proud that I stood up for myself.
I still hadn't gotten ahold of Eric which really concerned me. It turns out that Eric had his phone charging across the room from him on vibrate so he was unable to hear or feel the many calls he received that morning.
I called everyone I could think of that might have had contact with him - his roommate, and his mom. I knew Maggie would be awake teaching and I will always be happy that I called her that morning. My family has a tendency to be very emotional. When I called my cousins and other relatives, it almost made things worse because I did not want to cause them hurt and I definitely did not want to draw any more attention to the situation.
But when I called Maggie, she asked her usual 'what's up?' and then proceeded to make me laugh and calm me down. She joked about how having W's on my transcripts was way less detrimental than her D's and F's. She told me I needed to come home and get healthy. Maggie has a way with words, and they worked wonders on me that morning.
More calm, I came and found my roommate awake and told her about everything that had happened that morning. She had been completely out of the loop with the events of the day and so I had to fill her in. Brandee was very shaken up by it all, and I can see why. Had things gone differently she could have woken up to a much grimmer scene. I hadn't realized how hard it must have been to watch me go through it. Everyone else only heard me from across the country but Brandee saw me get worse every day. I will always thank God that he put us in Reardon 204 together.
I lost track of how many people I had to speak with that day. First, my RA suspiciously came in and asked to talk to me. I hadn't talked to her ever and she just wanted to 'catch up'. Yeah right you idiot, I'm not dumb. After dealing with her, I had to speak to the head of the RA's for a good while. All of them trying to keep me at Catholic. Honestly, that just made me want to leave more. I wanted to be done sharing the story....done with supporting my decision, and sure as hell done with DC.
The sun started to shine a little brighter that day. I could finally see a way out. Some people thought I faked it just to go home...I assure you I would never stoop that low. Even in my darkest and most desperate of times, that's not something I would use.
I wanted to leave right away. I wanted to get on the next plane home and sleep in my bed that night with bandit. But I had to settle some business, sign some papers, clean out my dorm, but at that point...I wanted to go home and have my mom or dad bring it all back. I was done with this dark time in my life. And now that I saw a way out, it wasn't coming fast enough.
I was leaving college.
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